Uncaring

In 2011, a two-year-old girl was run down by a truck in the Chinese city of Foshan. The girl, Yue Yue, lay in the road for seven minutes, and was run over again, while people walked and cycled past her until finally a woman moved her to the side of the road. She later died of her injuries in hospital. The ensuing global outrage focused on changes in China's social patterns. The possibility of being liable for the girl's medical bills might have been a contributing factor in people's reluctance to help. Guangdong province discussed introducing a law to make it illegal to ignore someone in distress. But it's not about being Chinese. In 2009,twenty people witnessed the rape and murder of a fifteen-year-old girl in Richmond, California. No one called for help, or intervened. Some people even filmed it on their phones. Some bystanders later said that they thought this was a joke, people messing about. But no one checked; no one asked if she needed help. - From The 15-minute psychologist by Anne Rooney

The right thing

Roy Bleake: What was it you told me? People think it's hard to do the right thing.

Harry Fertig: It's not hard to do the right thing.

Roy Bleake: It's hard to know what the right thing is - but once you know...

Harry Fertig: Once you know... Once you know what is right, then it's hard not to do it.

Harry Fertig: Once you know... once you know what is right, then it's hard not to do it.

- from the movie The Confession

Show friend

Have you ever been with someone who always asks you to join them for dinner, snacks, buy something from the corner store but then when you are with them what they would do is constantly text on their phone or worse scroll through their social media accounts?

What is with this kind of person? Are they just afraid to be seen alone that they need the company just for show? 

Rating

I am an uber rider and since I have another phone I decided to create a new account and after my 5th trip today, just saw my average rating. Which is 3.4 out of a possible 5. Now I got down on why drivers gave me such a low rating. I don't remember being rude, maybe because I used promo codes and that at one point my fare was less than 100 pesos? I hope they can also show how you were rated after each ride so that at least you can get a hint why the driver gave you such a low rating.

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Senior workforce

I am currwntly waiting in line a couirer service center. The 2 man on the counter processing the customer orders are 2 elderly men. I am guessing they are in their early 50s if not very late 40s. They are both slowly typing the customer details in their computers. And yes, using 1 finger at a time.
Although I do not agree on setting age limit on job openings, I believe we should also carefully select the employees on how they can be efficient with their jobs.

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Truth

Before, I have strongly believed in " the truth shall come out", to the point that even when all people against me over a lie I just keep quiet and let then "feast" over me.But things change, because now I more often than not would like to correct right away if someone heard a lie about me or have a misconception about me.I don't know what it is about me that I somehow seem to uncover the lie or deception that people try to conceal.I have a colleague, her previous supervisor has high praises for her, saying that she is always willing to take on new responsibilities, do not complain and always willing to adjust her shifts when needed.But when she joined in my team, she seemed so lazy. Wouldn't take initiative, and when assigned with a task she would always giggle which I initially taught was cute but now that she's more than 6 months in the team it isn't cute anymore. She always has a reason why she cannot go on an eary shift which is always her kids. Being a mom myself, I don't want to take it against her, but considering that she has a mother in law who she lives with and a husband who does not have an office job ( only goes to work when called) I was expecting more flexibility from her aside from the fact that when she was in her previous team her boss was so proud that she is very flexible in terms of schedule changes.I am not a confrontational person and somehow I still believe in the truth will eventualy come out. But one time that she began posting in Facebook about quotes on being a leader or leadership, I felt obliged to talk to her in private.I told her straight away that I was disappointed because she had so much praises from her previous team which is contrary to what she is showing in her current team. She just nods, smiles and occasionally says "OK". She made me think if I was a very bad colleague or team lead or that I was so lenient with her ( due to her high appraisals) that she saw me as a doormat that she can manipulate. Or that she has always been living a lie and deceiving her previous supervisor in order to be given a high appraisal and moved to our team.

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Social

They say that man is a social animal which is why I think anywhere and everywhere there is an obsession to be sociable and friendly with people. 

What's in a position name?

I hold a position/title of team lead in my current job. My team doesn't have an immediate manager so I sort of act as our manager and report to the Operations Manager. The team is actually subtly subdivided into 2 groups, the 1st group is the operations team who is based here in Manila and the other (the projects/implementation team) in the home country of our company. Recently, it was announced that the team member who is part of the projects team and who has been in the company for 3 years ( I am in the xompany for a year) and in the home location for 1.5 years got promoted to Technical Manager. That means, I will now be reporting to him. For me it was not weird or awkward. But other people in the company based in Manila seem to think otherwise.
They would ask me questions which team or team members are now under the Technical Manager. Is he the same level as the Operations Manager? Don't I think that it was a leap of a promotion?
Aside from that, people ( and yes including managers of other teams) ask me questions about some admin stuff that they are unsure of. Now, I see them looking like they were saying "ooh that must be embarassing what happened to her". And they now show animosity towards me as if I should not be associated with a manager like him. Even the assistant who is usually all smiles with me is now very distant.
Which makes me want to set my Lync status to: I did not get demoted! I am a team lead eversince! Its the person that I am reporting to that got changed!

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Bully

I just saw an "FB war" between 2 bloggers that I follow with one accusing the supposedly more famous one as being bully.

I just remember an incident that happened the other day. There was a "tradition" in my office that you have to treat your officemates on your birthday or at least on your birthmonth. Since the number of people has grown from less than 50 to almost 100, it then become a "by invitation". When I was new in the office, I was "bullied" into this, I did not complain since they say everyone (at least in the group)does it. I did not mind at first but when I saw how some in the group don't mind ordering a lot of food, I became pissed.
In the next dinner treats that followed I would decline the invite, and then 3 celebration dinners before my birthmonth, I was no longer invited each time. And they were doing the "invitation" discreetly. I shrugged it off thinking that they probably think she won't join anyway, why bother?
Then my birthmonth came, and then one of people in that group who shares the same birthmonth as me approached me and asked if I have any suggestions where we will treat the group. I laughed hard and barely controlling myself to blurt out "are you f*cking serious?" He did not seem to get it first because he said, "you don't have any suggestions?"
Forward to the incident, they again joined together for the celebration dinner, they did the invitation again discreetly. There are 3 things that pissed me off. One is when I caught one of them that they already sent out the invite and I was not invited, he just laughed it off. Second reason that I got pissed off is that person who laughed it off, was once ignored by that group. I would always catch him eating alone in the nearby convenience store when previously they would ask him to join. I would chat with him then when no one dared join him. Third reason is that its like their slapping me in the face, when the newest team member in my team got invited. The same team member that I warned them about to be careful about sharing comments about the other team because she is a blabbermouth.
I am sure tomorrow they will smile at me, chat and laugh with me as if we were BFFs.
Those are the kind of bullies we have today, not the old school ones who will unceasingly tease you and make fun of you in front of other people. The new breed of bullies are the ones who will pretend that they are friends with you and that they have nothing against you but one turn of your back and they are talking bad thins about you and worse planning things that would tell the other people that they are not actually friends you. I would rather have the old school bullies because you know right away that you have to stay away from them. But this new breed, they lure in, push you out then act as if nothing has changed and then if you already know their bs and you stay away from them they act as if you are the one who is at fault.

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Husband and father

Should a man stop being a husband when he becomes a father?
I understand that when a man becomes a father he changes his priorities from taking care of the wife to taking care of the kids. But does this mean that the wife should no longer be taken care of? That she should only be seen as someone who should also take care of the children, who helps provide for the children.
I am all about gender equality that a woman should not always play as the damsel in distress waiting for her knight in shining armor. But a woman who took care of a kid for 9 months inside her own body, who risked her life giving birth should at least be "given a little something" for her effort.

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She's strong but she's exhausted

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Hypocrite

Always claims she is an introvert -when she has so many friends and always the first one to initiate a chat with them. Takes pride in saying that she loves joining her friends parties or going to the maill with them

Says that she doesn't like people taking advantage of other people's kindness. But when her boss doesn't mind her most of the time being late coming to the office, or having frequent sick leaves or going under time, she's mum about it

Often says that she doesn't care too much about her looks but always points out what is wrong with another person's looks

Acts sad that she has no more time to spend with her daughter but when her daughter asks to go with her when she goes to the mall or gatherings with her friends, she gets annoyed and tells her daughter that she will just be a nuisance

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Reminiscing MJ

https://youtu.be/T1dAQN5QcZU

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Pity party

I was beginning to wonder why she has a lot of friends (well according to her) we don't hang out outside the office and I only knew her because we were officemates so I have no way to confirm if she really has a lot of friends. She was a bore to talk to always talking about how she is too tired to get up in the morning or get out or talk to her daughter. And when she talks about her daughter its always a complaint how her daughter is asking her to buy this and that. When you try to talk to her about your life she is always too eager to interrupt to say how her story is same or worse or better than hers. Its as if you are always in a competition with her. You can't also talk to her about your husband because her face would turn so bad that you would think she ate something sour or bitter. Its because she has separated with her husband for many years now and though she always keep denying it you could tell that she is still bitter about and has not totally moved on.
Then after sometime I began to realize why she has so many friends. Or she chats with a lot of then thru social media. I think they like talking to her because she makes them feel how lucky they are. That they are lucky because their lives is not as miserable as hers. She would talk about how her friends buy her things, foods, pay for her movies, dinner etc. Then I realize somehow I did that too with her, I gave her a planner for Christmas and when I had extra cash I treated her for snacks.
So I am beginning to think that what she has are pity friendships. People feel so bad for her because she is a single parent who rents a small apartment with her parents and 1 sibling. Her husband left her for another woman which according to her own words "after I did everything. She shifted to an IT career late so she is earning less with people of her same age. She is rated poorly in her performance reviews at the office. Her male friends ( if I remember it right she had 2) proposed a booty call with her which she declined but she still remains chummy with them.
She vehemently denies it, but she likes the attention. Because when people who rarely talks to her suddenly talks to her you can her face light up. That is also why I think why men in the office like teasing her. Because she always has a twinkle in her eye when a man talks to her. I even told her that I have a hunch that the guy he has a crush probably also has a hint about her feelings. Because one tome she was telling him how her daughter's gums are infected and yet she is smiling ear to ear.
I pity her because I feel that she wants to feel special. But unfortunately I have no time for such drama.

posted from Bloggeroid

The grass is always greener

There is a cliche that the grass is always greener on the other side which says so much how people will never get contented with what they have.

In my previous company, people always complain of stress, having long hours at the office, barely allowed to work from home, demanding bosses and clients. Management would often comfort us that at least we have the best benefits and perks than other companies. Then people would answer in whispers that its not what matters if you barely have work-life balance to enjoy those.

In my current company, the bosses are advocates of work-life balance probably because they came from the country that is often named as the happiest country. They would allow people to go work from home even on the mundanest reasons sometimes even if you do not have a reason at all. Asking for emergency leaves are given like candies in a candy store so we know that oftentimes some just say they have an emergency at home when they need to go off work and just forgot to get approval beforehand. People can freely surf the net including social media sites even at the sight of the managers. But still you would hear people that they want to leave because of poor monetary benefits and perks.

Thus, I rest my case.

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What motivates us?

There is an old adage: “Choose a job that you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life,” meaning that if you enjoy your occupation, work doesn’t seem like . . . well, work. Some research suggests that this isn’t necessarily the case (Daniel & Esser, 1980; Deci, 1972; Deci, Koestner, & Ryan, 1999). According to this research, receiving some sort of extrinsic reinforcement (i.e., getting paid) for engaging in behaviors that we enjoy leads to those behaviors being thought of as work no longer providing that same enjoyment. As a result, we might spend less time engaging in these reclassified behaviors in the absence of any extrinsic reinforcement. For example, Odessa loves baking, so in her free time, she bakes for fun. Oftentimes, after stocking shelves at her grocery store job, she often whips up pastries in the evenings because she enjoys baking. When a coworker in the store’s bakery department leaves his job, Odessa applies for his position and gets transferred to the bakery department. Although she enjoys what she does in her new job, after a few months, she no longer has much desire to concoct tasty treats in her free time. Baking has become work in a way that changes her motivation to do it. What Odessa has experienced is called the overjustification effect—intrinsic motivation is diminished when extrinsic motivation is given. This can lead to extinguishing the intrinsic motivation and creating a dependence on extrinsic rewards for continued performance (Deci et al., 1999).

 Source: Reading Material for edx course: UBCx: PSYC.4x AP® Psychology - Part 4: How Behavior Works

Obnoxious people

"This is an important concept for obnoxious people: selective niceness. This guys considers himself to be nice in the specific, but not in general, that is, he's nice to certain people when he wants to be, but most unpleasant and difficult the rest of the time and he feels good about it"
- from What Would Machiavelli do? By Stanley Bing

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Motivators

There are two great motivators in life. One is fear. The other is love. You can lead an organization by fear, but if you do, you will ensure that people won't perform up to their capabilities.
- Jan Carlson

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Alone

The man who goes alone can start the day. But he who travels with another must wait until the other is ready.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Myths on Children with Special Needs

Lack of proper awareness about children with special needs especially in a developing country like ours inevitably causes a lot of myths to be spreading around and sometimes thought to be truths or facts by many.
One of the most common myth I know is that some people think that children that are mentally retarded, with Down syndrome and autism are one are the same. I have personal experiences with this one since my child has autism, so when I tell other people that my son has autism more often than not they would say, he doesn’t look like one. I guess they always think that autistic children also share the same distinct physical characteristics that is often associated with Down syndrome.
Aside from the physical characteristics that they often generalize as to should be the same for all children with special needs, they don’t think each child as unique. So they would always assume that if they meet one child with special needs, they already know what a special needs child are as a whole.
Another myth that I am aware of is that special needs children cannot be independent, that they have to be taken care of for the rest of the their lives. That they need to have a caregiver 24X7 to attend to their needs.
After watching the videos and reading the materials in the course I know for a fact that the above myths that I stated are really just myths and DEFINITELY not facts.  Mentally retarded, kids with Down syndrome and kids with autism are NOT the same. They might seem similar at first impression (DEFINITELY not on the physical characteristics) but on their social skills or behavioral tendencies, but they differ in several aspects. Mentally retarded kids are those kids with intelligence and abilities that are below that are expected of their age, Down syndrome is a genetic disorder which causes the distinct physical characteristic to kids which has this disorder. Autism on the other hand is a disorder that affects how a child communicates, interacts with other people and adapts to his environment. I just learned however through this program that 60-75% of kids with autism are mentally retarded.
Reading through the materials I also learned that each special needs child is also unique as much as a normal child is unique from each other. So it would really be very difficult to predict their potential that is why we should never lose hope and limit them to what they were able to do yesterday, or can do today as they could possibly surpass it tomorrow.
Lastly, although as mentioned that each special child is unique some might need living assistance but not all would need 24 x7 caregiver assistance for the rest of their lives. If early and properly trained (and depending on the physical capabilities), a child with special needs can live independently or at least with minimal assistance. The important thing is we don’t limit them to what they can do. We should let them develop their potential so they can be as independent as much as they can. It may not be 100% (again for some maybe) but at least to some level they can do some things independently.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hierarchy of needs for Children with Special needs

I searched the Internet for what psychologists think as the hierarchy of needs of humans and below they say is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. 

 

 

 

Of course I don’t think the needs of Special needs children differ but I think it just differs in the order. 

Below is for me the hierarchy of needs for children with Special needs: 

 

 

 

For me, the highest priority in the needs of children with special needs is belongingness and love needs. 

First and foremost, they need to be completely and unconditionally loved by their family and friends.  Their disability should be completely accepted and understood by their loved ones. I believe this need to be first and foremost be addressed before any of their other needs. 

Also, I also believe that if this is addressed properly, it would be easy to address the other needs and or the other needs will unconsciously be addressed. 

Second is self actualization, each one of them like any other human being is unique and has different potential and needs to achieve that full potential. They need to achieve that too how little it might some seem compared to other non-special needs children. 

Third is the esteem needs, the need to be able to have a feeling of prestige and accomplishment. They need to feel useful and not someone that can be ignored. 

Fourth is their safety needs. They also need to feel safe and secure.  

Lastly are the physiological or the basic needs like food and water.   

 

True prosperity

True prosperity comes when you accept our bountiful birthright and the responsibility and the power that this entails.

Think, speak and act as if you are prosperous and you will impress the Universe to send you plenty

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I Ching

So I watched Season 1 of The Man in The High Castle from my 1 week free trial subscription of Amazon Prime and was intrigued with I Ching. Since I am too lazy to study the ancient text, I found a website that can do an I Ching reading for you (http://www.ichingonline.net/). I tried it and below is an interesting reading it had for me:

Cast Hexagram:

36 - Thirty-Six

Ming I / Eclipsing the Light

Warmth and Light are swallowed by Deep Darkness:
The Superior Person shows his brilliance by keeping it veiled among the masses.

Stay true to your course, despite the visible obstacles ahead.

SITUATION ANALYSIS:

This time calls for a saintly effort to turn the other cheek.
You have been deliberately injured.
Going blow-for-blow will only escalate this war.
Abstain from vengeance.
Show all watching that you are above it.
Sidestep your aggressor's headlong charge, giving him the opportunity to fall on his face.

Keeping up with friends

I am not easily impressed as much as I do not easily make and keep acquaintances as friends. So when I got impressed with someone it usually is because any of the following reasons:
- you are extremely nice
- you are an independent thinker
- you don't care what people say or think about you
- you are confident but not arrogant
- you speak your mind
- you are not vain but you take good care of yourself
But when you only say those things just to impress other people or try to convince yourself, believe me, sooner or later, I will found out and I will drop you faster than a hot potato.Faster than you could ever imagine that you would not know what hit you.
Recently, I had the same exact experience with an acquaintance. She was so surprised on how fast I could change my mind that she asked around if something was wrong with me.
Initially, I was impressed with her. She rarely joins other people in the office pantry for chitchat and one time when one lady officemate teased her that she rarely joins the group, she quickly retorted, " do you have a problem with me?" . I smiled and said to myself, "Wow, that is one tough lady". But as days went by and in some twist of events we ended up spending more time together ( I actually forgot already what event triggered the two of "clicking" and eventually spending office breaks together) I realized that one incident was sort of a one in a lifetime event.


- you are extremely nice
I thought she was nice. It turns out she is not actually that nice. This is actually not the breaker for me. Unless you really are projecting an angelic or saintly persona then I am going to hate you for eternity.


- you are an independent thinker She isn't. Its okay to ask me from time to time for my opinion or what I will do. But if what you will eat for lunch or dinner depends on my mood, then we are going to have a problem. Initially, she was so proud that we don't consult each other if the other will be joining in a team activity or not but then later on, she would keep on telling me, not to join because she will not be joining. One time, she literally pulled me into a townhall meeting just because she wanted to get the free pizza.


- you don't care what people say or think about you This is one of my major deal breakers. If you become so obsessed with what other people will say or think about you, then I would definitely drop you. I don't have time for that kind of drama. We are not in high school that we have to gossip everytime the girl with the heavy makeup smirked at you or the girl who lived at a posh village actually has bad skin. Yeah, I am not perfect, I also like that kind of gossip from time to time. But if I have to hear it, every minute, everyday and you have to ask me why my status is "Busy"in the office messenger app, then you don't deserve my time.


- you are confident but not arrogant Another deal breaker. When you say that people don't have to flaunt their assets or tell other people about your accomplishments and yet when its your asset or accomplishments you proudly tell stories about it, then you need to slap your self hard.


- you speak your mind When you keep complaining to me but wouldn't tell the person concerned about it. Well, Ok, this one I am also guilty of.


- you are not vain but you take good care of yourself This one, I really really hated about her. She tells me constantly that she doesn't care about her lovelife anymore that the focus of her life is her daughter but she proudly:
     - talks about her office crush (she is separated from her husband). that she had to ask me to   observe how she behaves around him to make sure that it is not getting obvious
     - her weekend getaways with her friends and actually have the gall to tell me that she hates it when her daughter asks her if she can join them - complains that she no longer buys anything for herself
     - she uses a different shade of lipstick everyday but keeps on telling me she barely cares how she looks


So there, I don't have much demands. As long as you're honest with who you are, to me but more importantly to yourself then I wouldn't care if you are the devil's spawn.

No Space

If a cupboard is crammed full, nothing new can be put into it. If you hoard, whether it is money, clothes, ideas or old resentments, there is no space for new to come in. To allow new into your life you must let go of the old.

As soon as you throw away rubbish from your home the Law of Flow will emsure that something else takes its place. Its your choice whether you replace rubbiah with more rubbish or shift your consciousness to attract something better.

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The Law of Attention

The only thing that stops you manifesting your dreams is your doubt and fear. If you give 20% focus to what you want, you will achieve 20% of your dream. If you give 100% quality focus to the outcome that you want you will have a 100% outcome. The Law of Attention is exact.

Watch where you put your thoughts.

- Diana Cooper, A Little Light on the Spiritual Laws

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