Each person has a different way of handling grief. More often than not, when a person prefers to be silent is when the pain is so unbearable or shocking that he/she has no way to express it but to keep it inside.
People has always been judgmental when person appears to be unmoved or apathetic when someone died. In many crime tv series that I have watched, a spouse, a child or a parent that does not seem to be enraged when a loved one died ALWAYS becomes a top suspect.
My mother has always been my Achilles heel. My age is the same number of years that my mother has died. Every time that I come to my maternal relatives, I was always asked how old I am and then the next statement would always be ”I could not believe your mother has been dead for that long”. When I was young, I always fight the tears from falling down when I hear that. But as years go by I have become used to it that it has become my own personal “treat” to myself on my birthday. When I wake up on my birthday, it has become a habit of mine to remind myself that on that day I am XX years old and my mother has been dead for XX years.
Today is my mother’s birthday. We have always believed that she is our personal angel that she watches over us since none of us (me and my siblings) have never gone astray in our lives. We have lived separate lives for the same XX years. I have never seen her face (except for an old picture that I saw when I was already in my 20’s) but I have always fervently wished that before I die I want to see her face, that when she shows “herself” to me that’s a sign for me that I am going to die soon (I am terribly scared of ghosts by the way). I hope she fulfills that wish.
I know you are in heaven right now so your happiness is already guaranteed.
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