Pity party

I was beginning to wonder why she has a lot of friends (well according to her) we don't hang out outside the office and I only knew her because we were officemates so I have no way to confirm if she really has a lot of friends. She was a bore to talk to always talking about how she is too tired to get up in the morning or get out or talk to her daughter. And when she talks about her daughter its always a complaint how her daughter is asking her to buy this and that. When you try to talk to her about your life she is always too eager to interrupt to say how her story is same or worse or better than hers. Its as if you are always in a competition with her. You can't also talk to her about your husband because her face would turn so bad that you would think she ate something sour or bitter. Its because she has separated with her husband for many years now and though she always keep denying it you could tell that she is still bitter about and has not totally moved on.
Then after sometime I began to realize why she has so many friends. Or she chats with a lot of then thru social media. I think they like talking to her because she makes them feel how lucky they are. That they are lucky because their lives is not as miserable as hers. She would talk about how her friends buy her things, foods, pay for her movies, dinner etc. Then I realize somehow I did that too with her, I gave her a planner for Christmas and when I had extra cash I treated her for snacks.
So I am beginning to think that what she has are pity friendships. People feel so bad for her because she is a single parent who rents a small apartment with her parents and 1 sibling. Her husband left her for another woman which according to her own words "after I did everything. She shifted to an IT career late so she is earning less with people of her same age. She is rated poorly in her performance reviews at the office. Her male friends ( if I remember it right she had 2) proposed a booty call with her which she declined but she still remains chummy with them.
She vehemently denies it, but she likes the attention. Because when people who rarely talks to her suddenly talks to her you can her face light up. That is also why I think why men in the office like teasing her. Because she always has a twinkle in her eye when a man talks to her. I even told her that I have a hunch that the guy he has a crush probably also has a hint about her feelings. Because one tome she was telling him how her daughter's gums are infected and yet she is smiling ear to ear.
I pity her because I feel that she wants to feel special. But unfortunately I have no time for such drama.

posted from Bloggeroid

Keeping up with friends

I am not easily impressed as much as I do not easily make and keep acquaintances as friends. So when I got impressed with someone it usually is because any of the following reasons:
- you are extremely nice
- you are an independent thinker
- you don't care what people say or think about you
- you are confident but not arrogant
- you speak your mind
- you are not vain but you take good care of yourself
But when you only say those things just to impress other people or try to convince yourself, believe me, sooner or later, I will found out and I will drop you faster than a hot potato.Faster than you could ever imagine that you would not know what hit you.
Recently, I had the same exact experience with an acquaintance. She was so surprised on how fast I could change my mind that she asked around if something was wrong with me.
Initially, I was impressed with her. She rarely joins other people in the office pantry for chitchat and one time when one lady officemate teased her that she rarely joins the group, she quickly retorted, " do you have a problem with me?" . I smiled and said to myself, "Wow, that is one tough lady". But as days went by and in some twist of events we ended up spending more time together ( I actually forgot already what event triggered the two of "clicking" and eventually spending office breaks together) I realized that one incident was sort of a one in a lifetime event.


- you are extremely nice
I thought she was nice. It turns out she is not actually that nice. This is actually not the breaker for me. Unless you really are projecting an angelic or saintly persona then I am going to hate you for eternity.


- you are an independent thinker She isn't. Its okay to ask me from time to time for my opinion or what I will do. But if what you will eat for lunch or dinner depends on my mood, then we are going to have a problem. Initially, she was so proud that we don't consult each other if the other will be joining in a team activity or not but then later on, she would keep on telling me, not to join because she will not be joining. One time, she literally pulled me into a townhall meeting just because she wanted to get the free pizza.


- you don't care what people say or think about you This is one of my major deal breakers. If you become so obsessed with what other people will say or think about you, then I would definitely drop you. I don't have time for that kind of drama. We are not in high school that we have to gossip everytime the girl with the heavy makeup smirked at you or the girl who lived at a posh village actually has bad skin. Yeah, I am not perfect, I also like that kind of gossip from time to time. But if I have to hear it, every minute, everyday and you have to ask me why my status is "Busy"in the office messenger app, then you don't deserve my time.


- you are confident but not arrogant Another deal breaker. When you say that people don't have to flaunt their assets or tell other people about your accomplishments and yet when its your asset or accomplishments you proudly tell stories about it, then you need to slap your self hard.


- you speak your mind When you keep complaining to me but wouldn't tell the person concerned about it. Well, Ok, this one I am also guilty of.


- you are not vain but you take good care of yourself This one, I really really hated about her. She tells me constantly that she doesn't care about her lovelife anymore that the focus of her life is her daughter but she proudly:
     - talks about her office crush (she is separated from her husband). that she had to ask me to   observe how she behaves around him to make sure that it is not getting obvious
     - her weekend getaways with her friends and actually have the gall to tell me that she hates it when her daughter asks her if she can join them - complains that she no longer buys anything for herself
     - she uses a different shade of lipstick everyday but keeps on telling me she barely cares how she looks


So there, I don't have much demands. As long as you're honest with who you are, to me but more importantly to yourself then I wouldn't care if you are the devil's spawn.

Boredom

I admire people who can simply stare in space and spend hours doing it. I could not do it. I have to at least think about something ( if not do something). Even long daydreams bore me, even if how sweet, funny, exciting the thoughts are. If I spend more than 15 minutes, I become bored of own thoughts.
That is why I hate attending seminars, trainings, workshops where the speaker/trainer talks and/or reads from a powerpoint presentation. I think I have adult ADHD. But I don’t want to get tested and waste money on a shrink. First and foremost because I don’t have the money to throw away and secondly, that is why I write, to put all my thoughts in words that I and others can read. That is why even as a child I keep a personal diary, which because of my clumsiness, my (foster) mother reads every now and then. And she would boast that she knows everything because she is old and wise (would not admit she reads my diary even if caught in the act). If she is still alive and would read this, I am sure she would be very furious that I put “(foster)“ before the word “mother”. She would scream and say, ”So now I am not a mother!”


In my previous work, I am being teased as being a loud mouth, which I am not, I just love talking :P Well, that is to people I feel comfortable with. My current boss and officemates tell me I am so quiet and sometimes they barely notice I am at my desk. That is because as talkative person I am, I am not exactly a friendly person. I am not like some people who smiles and chats to everyone they meet at a training, event or sometimes even at the line in the supermarket. I have nothing against people like that, in fact, I admire them for their confidence. I think that is what I lack. I remembered what a former supervisor of mine told me, “ you write such very good emails but when I talk to you, I do not hear that.” Another former colleague who I always chat with online, also told me, “ You seem very funny but when we met in person, you barely talked.” I think I am like that because I am always confronted with thoughts like, “ what if I say the wrong words”, “what if they don’t like me”. Hmmm or is it just fear of rejection? Or insecurity? But it’s the same, it’s because I am not confident.

Another reason why I am not your next door friendly girl is I don’t easily trust people. I choose the people I make friends with but oftentimes not good choices. A friend once told me, “you have a tendency to care for the wrong people”. Yes, I observed that. It’s always me with the 100% while the other one barely 50% and yes this is not with friendships only in ALL sorts of “- ships”. But wait before I divulge too much or burst into tears…..

See, I told you.. I have ADHD, I always stray from my original topic and now I am getting bored again.