Keeping up with friends

I am not easily impressed as much as I do not easily make and keep acquaintances as friends. So when I got impressed with someone it usually is because any of the following reasons:
- you are extremely nice
- you are an independent thinker
- you don't care what people say or think about you
- you are confident but not arrogant
- you speak your mind
- you are not vain but you take good care of yourself
But when you only say those things just to impress other people or try to convince yourself, believe me, sooner or later, I will found out and I will drop you faster than a hot potato.Faster than you could ever imagine that you would not know what hit you.
Recently, I had the same exact experience with an acquaintance. She was so surprised on how fast I could change my mind that she asked around if something was wrong with me.
Initially, I was impressed with her. She rarely joins other people in the office pantry for chitchat and one time when one lady officemate teased her that she rarely joins the group, she quickly retorted, " do you have a problem with me?" . I smiled and said to myself, "Wow, that is one tough lady". But as days went by and in some twist of events we ended up spending more time together ( I actually forgot already what event triggered the two of "clicking" and eventually spending office breaks together) I realized that one incident was sort of a one in a lifetime event.


- you are extremely nice
I thought she was nice. It turns out she is not actually that nice. This is actually not the breaker for me. Unless you really are projecting an angelic or saintly persona then I am going to hate you for eternity.


- you are an independent thinker She isn't. Its okay to ask me from time to time for my opinion or what I will do. But if what you will eat for lunch or dinner depends on my mood, then we are going to have a problem. Initially, she was so proud that we don't consult each other if the other will be joining in a team activity or not but then later on, she would keep on telling me, not to join because she will not be joining. One time, she literally pulled me into a townhall meeting just because she wanted to get the free pizza.


- you don't care what people say or think about you This is one of my major deal breakers. If you become so obsessed with what other people will say or think about you, then I would definitely drop you. I don't have time for that kind of drama. We are not in high school that we have to gossip everytime the girl with the heavy makeup smirked at you or the girl who lived at a posh village actually has bad skin. Yeah, I am not perfect, I also like that kind of gossip from time to time. But if I have to hear it, every minute, everyday and you have to ask me why my status is "Busy"in the office messenger app, then you don't deserve my time.


- you are confident but not arrogant Another deal breaker. When you say that people don't have to flaunt their assets or tell other people about your accomplishments and yet when its your asset or accomplishments you proudly tell stories about it, then you need to slap your self hard.


- you speak your mind When you keep complaining to me but wouldn't tell the person concerned about it. Well, Ok, this one I am also guilty of.


- you are not vain but you take good care of yourself This one, I really really hated about her. She tells me constantly that she doesn't care about her lovelife anymore that the focus of her life is her daughter but she proudly:
     - talks about her office crush (she is separated from her husband). that she had to ask me to   observe how she behaves around him to make sure that it is not getting obvious
     - her weekend getaways with her friends and actually have the gall to tell me that she hates it when her daughter asks her if she can join them - complains that she no longer buys anything for herself
     - she uses a different shade of lipstick everyday but keeps on telling me she barely cares how she looks


So there, I don't have much demands. As long as you're honest with who you are, to me but more importantly to yourself then I wouldn't care if you are the devil's spawn.

Miss Independent

My mother more than once told me that I should learn to be independent and self-reliant. In one instance she even told me, when going on dates or even group dates or gimmicks always bring extra money. You will never know if you will have a misunderstanding with your companion and you end up going home alone.
I remember that as a kid I never had anyone help me with my homework and that one time I asked someone to help me understand the instructions, I ended up the only one in the class who got it wrong. That is why I promised myself I will never ask anyone's help with my school work. So that if it ended up in a mess I have no one to blame but myself.
When I was in college, I ended up in bad terms with my thesis mates so I ended up doing it alone (at first). I was so scared that I cannot do it, but I always keep my focus on the goal, to graduate that semester because if not, I would have failed my mother once again.
When I was looking for a job, I tried small time jobs, proofreading, data entry, doing research paper for foreign students. But I know deep inside that I could do better and I could feel (though she tries her best not to show it) that my mother was disapponited too. She knew I could do better.
In one family event, relatives were talking how someone has been so generous and kind. My mother told me, " Don't you ever think that he will do the same for you. Rely on your own. Never ever think that you have him to help you". I shrugged it off because deep inside, I wanted to believe if worse comes to worse that person would not fail me. And recently, I was proven wrong about my perception and my mother was right, "Never rely that someone would help you.Always prepare for difficult times because you should never feel confident that someone will help you."

Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups -Antonio Banderas, The Assassin