posted from Bloggeroid
The first aim of the brain is to help you survive. After that, it pursues other needs.
- Anne Rooney, the 15 minute psychologist
My mother more than once told me that I should learn to be independent and self-reliant. In one instance she even told me, when going on dates or even group dates or gimmicks always bring extra money. You will never know if you will have a misunderstanding with your companion and you end up going home alone.
I remember that as a kid I never had anyone help me with my homework and that one time I asked someone to help me understand the instructions, I ended up the only one in the class who got it wrong. That is why I promised myself I will never ask anyone's help with my school work. So that if it ended up in a mess I have no one to blame but myself.
When I was in college, I ended up in bad terms with my thesis mates so I ended up doing it alone (at first). I was so scared that I cannot do it, but I always keep my focus on the goal, to graduate that semester because if not, I would have failed my mother once again.
When I was looking for a job, I tried small time jobs, proofreading, data entry, doing research paper for foreign students. But I know deep inside that I could do better and I could feel (though she tries her best not to show it) that my mother was disapponited too. She knew I could do better.
In one family event, relatives were talking how someone has been so generous and kind. My mother told me, " Don't you ever think that he will do the same for you. Rely on your own. Never ever think that you have him to help you". I shrugged it off because deep inside, I wanted to believe if worse comes to worse that person would not fail me. And recently, I was proven wrong about my perception and my mother was right, "Never rely that someone would help you.Always prepare for difficult times because you should never feel confident that someone will help you."
Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups -Antonio Banderas, The Assassin
As I am reading a document on SAP Human Capital Management (HCM) I found myself smiling after reading this paragraph:
Infotypes or subtypes with time constraint 2 can only have at most one record for a given time period. There can be gaps between records. If records overlap, the system adapts the previous record accordingly by deleting, dividing or delimiting it. An example of an infotype with time constraint 2 is subtype "Spouse" in the Family/Related Person infotype.
Even SAP wouldn't allow you to have more than 1 spouse at one time period!
9 - Baghdad – Iraq
8 - Huntington Ravine Headwall – New Hampshire
7 - Southern Tunisia
6 - Guatemala
3 - Chihuahua – Mexico
2 - Java and Sumatra – Indonesia
1 – San Pedro Sula – Honduras
We can essentially decode this often indescribable gut feeling we get in certain situations, because that pang in your stomach, sudden bout of fatigue, or strong urge to help the person next to you can reveal more than you think.
If something in your body doesn’t feel right, you should listen to this feeling before it gets any worse. A lot of people ignore subtle signs from their bodies and end up dealing with a much larger problem than they originally planned for. Your body instinctively knows when something is off balance, and those initial warning signs warrant your acknowledgment and further investigating to find out what your intuition is trying to tell you. Don’t ever hesitate to go to your wellness advocate if your inner voice starts to scream at you to take action – the human body communicates to us surprisingly often through the power of intuition.
On another note, pay attention to how you feel every time you interact with someone. Do you feel drained, anxious, or depressed? These feelings have come to the surface for a reason – by listening to yourself intuitively, you can determine which people in your life suck your energy dry, and who actually makes you feel alive.
Your intuition speaks to you in many ways, so never ignore any “off” feelings you get, no matter how subtle.
Have you ever seen the Final Destination movies, where one person out of a group of friends gets intense visions before something bad happens? These movies, whether intentionally or not, portray the uncanny role that intuition can play in perilous situations.
For instance, maybe on your weekly trip to the grocery store, someone meets your gaze and you instantly get an uneasy feeling about them. Let’s say they start to follow you discreetly around the store, and then you watch them go outside without buying anything. However, they don’t leave; instead, they wait outside the store, and you intuitively feel that by going to your car, you will put yourself in a potentially life-threatening situation. While this person may not have directly endangered you, your intuition commands you to not leave the store without telling the manager or calling the police first.
The fight-or-flight response in humans was designed to warn us of immediate danger, and move us to act on that feeling. While our gut instincts can have flaws, you should listen to them regardless – they might just save your life.
Gut instincts don’t always indicate something negative. Since we all originate from the same source, we have direct ties to each other and can sense when someone needs help. We have the powerful ability to read other people’s energy by evaluating their facial expressions, body language, or just how we feel around that person. Have you ever noticed how everyone scrambles to offer whatever help they can after a natural or man-made disaster? This strong desire to assist our fellow humans comes prewired in our evolution as a species; after all, when humans lived off the land, they depended on one another for survival. Some of them gathered wood for shelter and fire, while others wanted to help find food for themselves and others. They helped one another not just out of necessity, but because of a deep understanding that humans need to feel cared for and protected.
Offer help even if the person in question doesn’t ask for it – nonverbal cues can offer much more insight than words in these types of situations.
Overthinking can often cause problems that didn’t even exist in the first place, especially in regard to your natural talents. Maybe you have spent weeks practicing your lines for a play, and have all the hand motions, inflections in your tone, and the whole thing down pat. Then, when you get on stage for your final practice, you suddenly forget everything you worked so hard practicing. Or, maybe you have become the star player on your baseball team, but your mind runs on overdrive and puts you under pressure, making you miss every ball pitched to you at home base.
People with extraordinary talents commonly choke when it’s time for them to perform, and all of it stems from letting their minds run haywire. They pay too much attention to their thoughts, rather than letting their instincts take over. If something comes naturally to you, distract your mind with something other than the task at hand, such as a song or memory that makes you happy, and allow your instincts to take over instead.
Whether it applies to changing careers, picking your next boyfriend or girlfriend, or deciding where to live, your intuition actually plays a bigger role than rational thinking in these decisions. When you make these life-altering choices, it mostly boils down to how you feel about them. Think about it: we all just want to feel good, so we add and subtract things from our life to align with that feeling. If your career earns you $100,000 a year but makes you miserable, would you stick with it rather than take your dream job that pays $40,000? Your gut would probably tell you to do what makes you happy and take the lower paying job rather than keep one that makes you feel dead inside.
When something feels right, a lightbulb goes off inside you and it doesn’t really require much cognitive ability – it comes easily to you. Listen to your intuition next time you make an important decision – it will help you choose the right path.
Source: http://www.powerofpositivity.com/5-gut-instincts-never-ignore/
Source: http://www.peopleskillsdecoded.com/savior-complex/
Here’s a fairytale gone badly, as it sometimes happens in real life: There was once a little girl who believed that all good things will come to her if she is really nice and always helps other people.
She was always there for her aging parents; she even refused a dream job because it was in another town and she didn’t want to move too far from her parents. She would always help her friends, lend them money, give them advice and get them out of trouble.
Her colleagues at work could always rely on her and she would often get behind on her projects to give them a hand with theirs. She also had this affinity towards guys with serious problems (jobless, alcohol abusing, emotionally imbalanced), the kind of guys that desperately needed help.
After about ten years of doing this, she felt miserably. She wasn’t getting the love, appreciation and recognition she wanted, most people had started taking all her help for granted, her life did not look the way she’d hoped it would.
When I discussed with her in our first communication coaching session, focused on identifying the key social skills to improve, after about 15 minutes of conversation, bells started ringing in my head going: “Savior complex full throttle!”
The savior complex is a psychological construct which makes a person feel the need to save other people. This person has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs for these people.
There are many sides to a savior complex and it has many roots. One of its fundamental roots, in my experience, consists in a limiting belief the savior person has that goes something like this:
“If I always help people in need, I will get their love and approval, and have a happy life.”
This is of course, a nice sounding fairytale.
Often, in real life, a savior will have such an unassertive way of helping others that instead of becoming grateful, they get used to it and they expect it. They feel entitled to receive help from this person, simply because they need it and they’ve always got it.
On top of this, always putting other people’s needs first makes a savior not take care of their own needs. So while they may feel happy because they are helping others, at some level, they feel bitter and frustrated at the same time.
Here’s where things get worse: many people with a savior complex I’ve met, although they realize at some point that they have a savior complex and it is not worth it for them, they will not try to combat it.
They’re not masochistic; they have another belief that even if being a savior will not get them the recognition they want and will not make them happy, it is the noble thing to do. They believe they are somehow better then others because they help people all the time without getting anything back.
Do you have any idea how dim-witted this is? There is nothing noble in sacrificing yourself for others while you are starving at a psychological level. If our ancestors would have willingly done so 50.000 years ago, our species would be extinct.
If you think you have a savior complex or at least something close to it, I believe the best thing you can do is to face up to the practical consequences in has in your life. Being a savior is neither noble nor practical.
