You might know someone like him

According to www.kcra.com there are 18 signs of a psychopath and it is also said that an estimated 1% of the population are psychopaths.

Here are some of the signs:

- Glib and superficial charm

- Grandiose sense of self-worth - This can result in a charismatic confident personality that may make them quite likable upon a first meeting.

- Pathological lying - In some cases, expert say they lie almost as a game, just to see if they can get away with it.

- Conning and manipulation - Sometimes they are referred to as chameleons, demonstarting an advanced ability to fake feelings, emotions and facial expressions they don't actually feel.

- Stimulation seeking - They are unable to tolerate routine and boredom.

- Parasitic orientation - he constructs his life in a way that allows him to take advantage of others for their own financial and physical gratification.

Misconception: All psychopaths are criminals.

Fact: Many psychopaths have little difficulty joining the ranks of business, politics, law enforcement, government and academia.

“WHY DON’T YOU DO WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO, EVEN AFTER BEING TOLD A MILLION TIMES?

Kids with autism do what we’re not supposed to do again and again, however many times you’ve told us not to. We understand what you’re telling us okay, but somehow we just repeat the sequence. This happens to me, too, and I’ve thought about how the sequence gets imprinted. First I do some action or other that I’m not allowed to; then something else happens as a result; and then I get told off for it; and last, my impulse to recreate this sequence trumps the knowledge that I’ve been told not to do it, and I end up doing it again. The next thing I know, I feel a sort of electrical buzz in my brain, which is very pleasant – no other sensation is quite the same. Perhaps the closest thing is watching your very favourite scene on a DVD, looping on auto-repeat, over and over.

Still, we shouldn’t do what we shouldn’t do. How, as thinking beings, can we break out of this loop? This is a big project. I work hard to solve the problem, but this work costs[…]”

Excerpt From: Naoki, Higashida. “The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy With Autism.” Random House, 2013-08-27T06:00:00+00:00. iBooks. 

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Savior complex anyone?

Source: http://www.peopleskillsdecoded.com/savior-complex/

Here’s a fairytale gone badly, as it sometimes happens in real life: There was once a little girl who believed that all good things will come to her if she is really nice and always helps other people.

She was always there for her aging parents; she even refused a dream job because it was in another town and she didn’t want to move too far from her parents. She would always help her friends, lend them money, give them advice and get them out of trouble.

Her colleagues at work could always rely on her and she would often get behind on her projects to give them a hand with theirs. She also had this affinity towards guys with serious problems (jobless, alcohol abusing, emotionally imbalanced), the kind of guys that desperately needed help.

After about ten years of doing this, she felt miserably. She wasn’t getting the love, appreciation and recognition she wanted, most people had started taking all her help for granted, her life did not look the way she’d hoped it would.

When I discussed with her in our first communication coaching session, focused on identifying the key social skills to improve, after about 15 minutes of conversation, bells started ringing in my head going: “Savior complex full throttle!”

What Is The Savior Complex? 

The savior complex is a psychological construct which makes a person feel the need to save other people. This person has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs for these people.

There are many sides to a savior complex and it has many roots. One of its fundamental roots, in my experience, consists in a limiting belief the savior person has that goes something like this:

“If I always help people in need, I will get their love and approval, and have a happy life.”

This is of course, a nice sounding fairytale.

Houston We Have a Problem

Often, in real life, a savior will have such an unassertive way of helping others that instead of becoming grateful, they get used to it and they expect it. They feel entitled to receive help from this person, simply because they need it and they’ve always got it.

On top of this, always putting other people’s needs first makes a savior not take care of their own needs. So while they may feel happy because they are helping others, at some level, they feel bitter and frustrated at the same time.

Reframing Nobility

Here’s where things get worse: many people with a savior complex I’ve met, although they realize at some point that they have a savior complex and it is not worth it for them, they will not try to combat it.

They’re not masochistic; they have another belief that even if being a savior will not get them the recognition they want and will not make them happy, it is the noble thing to do. They believe they are somehow better then others because they help people all the time without getting anything back.

Do you have any idea how dim-witted this is? There is nothing noble in sacrificing yourself for others while you are starving at a psychological level. If our ancestors would have willingly done so 50.000 years ago, our species would be extinct.

If you think you have a savior complex or at least something close to it, I believe the best thing you can do is to face up to the practical consequences in has in your life. Being a savior is neither noble nor practical.

So who's your hero?

I know someone who is very "stingy" on the knowledge that she passes on to her mentees. I noticed it because when an issue arose, it is only her who can solve it. You might say that maybe she is just more resourceful or because she is a better critical or logical thinker. But no, these are hard facts that she should have passed on to her mentee. When I asked a colleague of her if other people notice that too, she said "yes, and we believe she does that because she fears for the time to come that she is dispensable". Sometimes I wonder if she has the so called "Messiah complex" or "hero complex" wherein she feels that she can or should "save" other people. And if that power is lost, she has nothing.

 This is similar to the knight in shining armor attitude of some men. There are quite a number of films made based on this theme, wherein a man saves or rescues a woman from "despair". Most children's fairytales are like that,  only a man can save the girl from her long sleep, cruel stepmother or from the tower. The movie "Pretty Woman" is also an example although that was not the man's plan at first, but that's what made the story charming right?

There is female counterpart to that knight shining armor, women who like "bad boys", because whether  they admit it or not, they believe they can change that man and eventually wear that badge of honor as "the woman who changed him". Fifty shades of grey?

Another version I know is someone who gives "false" power. I am sure psychologists have a special term for these kind of people of which I am yet to find out. They lead you on, making you feel that you can make your own decisions and "supports" you on whatever you decide on but they wait for that opportune moment to come in and show everyone that they know better that everything you were actually doing along the way is wrong (or not wrong but here's a better way, as what they would usually say). And they do this so nonchalantly that you have no way to prove that was their plan all along. Thus, if you try to share your observations to others you end up looking as the jealous one, or paranoid or worst, simply incompetent.

For this last kind of people, I believe there's a special place in hell for them since they have already enjoyed all the praises and glory here on earth.

Broken doll

I dont easily give up. As child when my toy gets broken, I don't throw it right away, I will put scotch tape, packaging tape, or glue on it. I remember having a "walking doll" and for some reason one of its legs got broken and removed right from its hips, I put on lots of packaging tape on the leg and around the hip and waist so that the leg wouldn't fall off. Eventually, of course, the tape did not hold well. For quite some time, I pretended that my doll was handicapped or suffered a bad car accident which resulted to the injury. I was told by my mother to throw away the doll as its no "use" anyway. I wouldn't budge in even if at times I would detest playing with it as its not fun playing with a doll with only one leg. And then suddenly, the doll was nowhere to be found in the house.

When I made a bad decision, I always try to stick with it and defy all odds to prove to others and most especially to myself that I did not make a bad decison, that things will eventually go well. And sometimes I just wait for the  someone to throw the "doll" away for me.

Maybe its ego or just plain stupidity.

25 life changing lessons to learn from Paulo Coelho

“Life has a way of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen at once.” ~ Paulo Coelho

I read my first personal development book in 2007 and that book also happened to be the first book I ever read in English, up until that moment. And then, in 2008, something amazing happened, I found The Alchemist and that’s when I fell in love with Paulo Coelho’s work. 

Today I would like to share with you 25 beautiful Life Changing Lessons to learn from this amazing man, Paulo Coelho.

Enjoy

1. When you want something, the whole universe conspires to make it happen.

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

2. Detach from all things and you will be free.

“When I had nothing to lose, I had everything.”

“Now that she had nothing to lose, she was free.”

3. We are all here for a purpose.

“No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn’t know it.”

“Everybody has a creative potential and from the moment you can express this creative potential, you can start changing the world.”

4. The only thing standing between you and your dream are your fears.

“Don’t give in to your fears. If you do, you won’t be able to talk to your heart.”

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”

5. Mistakes are part of life.

“Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn’t have the courage to say “yes” to life?”

“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.”

6. Really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies meet.

“Really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other. Generally speaking, these meetings occur when we reach a limit, when we need to die and be reborn emotionally. These meetings are waiting for us, but more often than not, we avoid them happening. If we are desperate, though, if we have nothing to lose, or if we are full of enthusiasm for life, then the unknown reveals itself, and our universe changes direction.”

“We can also allow our Soulmate to pass us by, without accepting him or her, or even noticing. Then we will need another incarnation in order to find that Soulmate. And because of our selfishness, we will be condemned to the worst torture humankind ever invented for itself: loneliness.”

7. Every experience, either good or bad, comes with a lesson.

“There are moments when troubles enter our lives and we can do nothing to avoid them. But they are there for a reason. Only when we have overcome them will we understand why they were there.”

8. Do not seek for love outside of you.

“Love is not to be found in someone else but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do that, we need the other person.”

9. When you change, the whole world changes with you.

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”

10. No reason is needed for loving.

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.”

11. Mind your own business.

“Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”

12. When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive.

“When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive.”

“No one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it.”

13. Love is an untamed force.

“Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.”

14. Wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”

15. Judge not.

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.”

16. Children have valuable lessons to teach you.

“A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.”

17. Appreciate the contrast of life.

“Never be ashamed,’ he said. ‘Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle.’ ‘How will I know which is which?’ ‘By the taste. You can only know a good wine if you have first tasted a bad one.”

18. Nobody’s responsible for how you feel or don’t feel.

“In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel.”

19. Your beliefs shape you and make you who you are.

“You are what you believe yourself to be.”

20. Let go of the need to explain yourself.

“Don’t explain. Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you.”

21. Love changes everything.

“It is not time that changes man nor knowledge the only thing that can change someone’s mind is love.”

22. Don’t mistake elegance with superficiality.

“Elegance is usually confused with superficiality, fashion, lack of depth. This is a serious mistake: human beings need to have elegance in their actions and in their posture because this word is synonymous with good taste, amiability, equilibrium and harmony.”

23. When you do work from your soul, the critics won’t hurt you.

“I write from my soul. This is the reason that critics don’t hurt me, because it is me. If it was not me, if I was pretending to be someone else, then this could unbalance my world, but I know who I am.”

24. Each day brings a miracle of its own.

“You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It’s just a matter of paying attention to this miracle.”

25. Embrace your authenticity

“You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. God chose you to be different. Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude?”

“You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.”

“If you want to be successful, you must respect one rule – Never lie to yourself.”

With all my love,

Source: http://www.purposefairy.com/71428/25-life-changing-lessons-to-learn-from-paulo-coelho/

 

 

Do you know anything about frogs?

“ Do you know anything about frogs?"

"Frogs?"

"Yes, various biological studies have shown that if a frog is placed in a container along with water from its own pond, it will remain there, utterly still, while the water is slowly heated up. The frog doesn't react to the gradual increase in temperature, to the changes in its environment, and when the water reaches the boiling point, the frog dies, fat and happy.

On the other hand, if a frog is thrown into a container full of already boiling water it will jump straight out again, scalded, but alive!"
Olivia doesn't quite see what this has to do with the destruction of the world. Igor goes on:
"I was like that boiled frog. I didn't notice the changes. I thought everything was fine, that the bad things would just go away, that it was just a matter of time. I was ready to die because I lost the most important thing in my life, but instead of reacting, I sat there bobbing apathetically about in water that was getting hotter by the minute.” 
― Paulo Coelho, The Winner Stands Alone